kinda scared but you read my mind

So i talked to my father and he is just crazy with how he knows everything and how he says things at the right time and the right way without even knowing it.

Im still going to try for chicago. Alot a bout it scares me and makes me shy away from it even though i've thought about it for more almost a year now. Ami backing out? or making the smarter decision?

honestly i feel like i'm backing out because i haven't tried. What if it works? What if it doesn't?

Idk...I'm afraid that everything and everyone that's important to me will fade away within the noise and newness that chicago and college might bring. What if i end up on the streets?!

Then again whereever i go...i'm still me...whatever happens will happen wherever i am.

What if i can't afford this dream rite now??

Sigh...makes me want to cry. My daddy says that whatever is meant to be will be there no matter where i go...how far...or for how long...

That's an honest fear. I'm terrified. But maybe everyone is at this point in life...

Or maybe just me...

DePaul University! NYU? University of Chicago! Temple U? SAIC! University of Hartford?

Ugh. Yea. There goes my mind.

Wish i could crack open my skull take it out and ask someone else to hold that thought.



Other than that...I'm feeling ok with how things are going. Day by day is good. But I gotta work with plans.
Or they gotta start working with me. Cuz I hate that when i make them...they dont want to come thru.

I need more money and more motivation. More than i have right now. I mean i have alot(motivation not money)rite now. But i gotta have more if ima pull through this senior stress. It helps to visualize the future.

I see me on stage bowing after my awardwinning play that i (produced? designed? wrote? lighted?idk...) and looking out into the audience and seeing my baby's eyes.

I hope that can somehow happen. Cuz I know what comes next after hs will be hell and heaven at the same time.

If it doesn't...I just hope that I'm happy and everyone is alrite and on the right track in the long run...



gotta do hw...tty in a bit my dear comp.