The world's smallest violin...

So my mom fainted. On the kitchen floor. It was fucking crazy. But for some reason me and my sisters were calm and we did exactly what we had to do...It was very interesting...

I was so fucking stressed and scared though. But I knew that I had to be a tough cookie to get through it. Not without my friends though. They made my day.

They gave me superpowers.

:-D They texted me and called me and helped me stay strong.

So at least I was reminded once again that there is so much love in this world. I'm lucky to have even one person direct theirs at me. Their love that is. :-p



And so. My day was good in a way. Even though my heart is still broken i still have tape and glue and staples and even silly putty to put it back together.



Last night was awesum. BBQ at my friends house. With this last relationship, I thought i burned a bridge.

Cuz I was a real jerk to her. But the bbq and the fun made it all better. I'm happy.

I ran home in the dark. I dont know why. It seemed like that's what i needed to do. Because...

My ex's brother was there and him being there made me want to talk about her. Cuz I still love her. (Fortunately?/Unfortunately?)

So i ran home and called him. We talked for almost and hour. I cried silently a little bit. But...since then...i've been thinking differently.



The simple fact is that I love her but i lost her. It wasn't my fault although i feel like it is. I give and give but ask for nothing back. But...even if i don't that doesn't mean that i don't deserve something good in return.

I dont deserve a pile of steaming shit. Ya know?

So...I guess I'm trying to find a way to change myself in a very small way because this give give give attitude can only get me so far. Then comes the heartbreak.

It's sleepytime.