Give me that sweet...

Ok. So i didn't chill with her today. And this morning i could tell that i shouldv'e been in an awkward sitch. But it didn't really hit me as to why... Like there was nothing said to me or like explained to me...

Idk...Maybe i'm in the wrong place right now. I'm becoming the kind of someone I don't really want to be...and I'm about to do things i've never done or thought i would do before.

But then again i am a teenager and i'm allowed to be confused and do stupid things.

I'm fucking horny. And i'm just feeling really intensely annoyed and pissed off. Like bitches pass me by in the hall. One doesn't wanna say hi and is just alwauys fucking quiet. Like where the fuck has she been? And then it's like i'm repeating my past...The other? oh man...

Special hugs that belong to me are running rampant and aren't exclusive. That stung the first time that happened to me. Stung like a bitch. Like how the fuck do you touch her around the waist like that while holding my hand and saying how she passes you by and you miss her?? Lol...lemme stop. That's over.

But. See. Now. What does it seem like when i say i don't wanna be as certain way but i wanna do something that only that kind of person would do. ugh!!! And im already on my way!!

decisions...fucking decisions.

I mean...i don't know if what i do now will change the course of my life...like my mindset become defined by what i want to do and going against my feelings i always have. It's like i always think this much. I dont know why. It just happens. I know that i'm not always going to be in control but my fucking brain just keeps talking.

Am i in it? Or out of it?



I need it right now. I can't do without it. not for one for one for one second...

But is it worth it? like shit. I didn't expect it to be this hard! Hehe...that's what she said...

But then again it's not hard. It's actually very simple. Slide or saunter...

Saunter gracefully downwards...Slide into that muthafuckah...



Damn...i got myself thinking about her.

How fucking long am i supposed to wait? Why the fuck am i waiting anyway?

I'm a muthahfuckin hottie. And I'm the one who's fucking waiting?

What did she promise me? What did she promise her is the better question i think. Wtf was that nod? What did she fucking say to me?...oh if it's meant to happen it will. Should i ask god to give me a sign?

nope. It's not faith if you're using your eyes.

Hm. How will i know...haha here comes whitney!



But. now. seriously. Don't we make our own destiny? Like for real...We make decisions and see them play out in the world. We canst just sit back. And if we sit back long enuf...some shit will smack us in our face. Some really intense shit that will force us to act anyway.

I just need to chill and lay on someone's shoulder.

Haha...maybe i need to chill with that chick. She needs a friend by her side. Instead of in her pants or in her head fucking with her. She should get out of her own head. Cause she's making herself look kinda crazy...it's all love though.

Are we still in love?

Or are we skipping around it? Afraid to go in again. To open the door? Freaked out cause it'll be make or break this time? terrified?

No. I think. That's me.

But this is funny cause whatever she's going through with her girlfriend (sigh. fuck. her?) doesn't really affect me unless they break up. Then it might involve me. Because maybe that'll start more drama. Ooooohhhh i stole your girl bitch....lol. waevea...i hope that's not how it goes.

Because i want it to be for love. Not vengeance. Not jealousy. Which is why i give them space. I can't do anything and i'm not in control of anything. I can't force her to do anything. If i do, i end up looking like a fool and an asshole. And I'll feel really stupid...like "baby when are you gonna divorce her and come live with me and your kid? You promised me you'd do it last month" That kinda stupid.

But didn't she see that as not fighting for her? That's what got me pissed at the whole sitch...i was accused of not caring about what happens.

That shit burns like sticking your pussy in a blazing fire. Worse than your hands in a fire. But maybe your face would hurt more.

What does anyone want from me?

I want me to be happy. And not confine myself to lack of expression of my love and affection. Cause even if i do that to one person i feel weird. Cause that's not how it's supposed to be...I need to feel something physical...as little as a kiss on the neck cause then my soul feels it too.



That's why kisses are so sacred to me. They're just an ultimate kind of connection. Unless you don't know the person. Then that's just either frisky or awkward.

Sigh...type type later...ima prolly type more later cause there are too many thoughts in my head...i gotta get them out....somehow cause i'm not up for another breakdown...

ya digg?