Remember when...

When oh when is prom going to happen?? I can't wait!!! I just can't. All me and my friends talk about is who we're going to ask (pretty cliche but waeves) and omg! I don't know.

Because I've learned that my life is kind of unpredictable so I can't say for sure who i'm going to go with. My life could change drastically in the next 8/9 months. Some random girl could appear in the future. No one knows. I certainly don't.

It could be my ex tho. Pros- shes part of my chill group so it would be a fucking party in the limo, we're awesum friends, it would be like a no pressure sitch, simple uncomplicated, holding hands, mad fun, i love that chick. Cons- no kissing, no fucking, no romance, no butterflies, no corsage (that cheap trick <3).

And then it could be my (kinda/ not yet) gf. Pros- i'm in love with her, butterflies, kissing, possible fucking, holding hands, romance (giggle giggle), night to never forget, awesum night together, omg, omg (!!!!!), i would be with her, she could where a tuxedo (instant orgasm), corsage/flower. Cons- i would miss my friends to death, if i go with her we wouldn't be with my friends because that's just not how things work, limo full of long time homies would be out of the picture, I wouldn't be able to join in remembering prom night with them and all the crazy shit thats gonna happen.

sigh...decisions...

But then again...that's 9 months away...so...no pressure.

When do i start to ask though?? wtf is "prom season?" anyway?! the skies start raining dresses and tuxedos suddenly??

jeez..i feel so girly...(tee hee!!!)



Anyway...I'm just now getting into the groove of school. It's weird like...my stress scale is starting to come alive again...hah..oh man..I'm a senior...

OMIGAH!

I'm seriously worryin about getting into college cause i'm such a bad procrastinator. It's horrible. I'm so fucking annoyed with my collee resume though. I did so much that i can't even remember half the shit. That's not cool because i want to show my self off. That's what my teacher says anyway.

The college i wanna go to is in chicago and i just realized that the admission is rolling and 95% of people who apply get in. :-I

That doesn't sound very competitive. I mean come on...it seems like nobody even has to try to get in...waeva tho. That college seems so amazing to me. It sucks that i can't visit it. Sigh...chi-town.

It speaks to me through my computer screen in the language of art and words of the windy city.

I hope i get through this year with a minimum amount of breakdowns and drama. But not too little drama cause that's what makes my life fun. And that's what I've learned from. When things go wrong and I get out of it intact...i learn from it.

They say that what doesn't kill us makes us who we are. I'm starting to believe that's true for me.



I wanna rule the world right now. I don't know why. Or maybe i do. I want to pick some people up and put them right where i want them. That would be choice. Very choice.

But knowing i can't do that...I'm feeling good. I won't complain. I'm surrounded by people who show love for me eveyday. I try to let people know i love them with things i say and don't do and things i do and don't do. I try. Sometimes that doesn't come across though.

Like i haven't chilled with one of my best friends for two months and counting desoite the fatc that i c her every day. I hope she's okay and I hope she'll come around soon. She just drops off the face of the earth once in a while. But she always comes back...

And my other best friend!!! OMG! his girlfriend is nuts!! haven't seen him for 2 months and i cant even chill with him for 10 minutes!! ugh! hoes these days....



People are so closed off and held back these days...that's why i feel like a hippie most of the time. Like i say i love you after every phone call because that could be the last time i speak to them. God forbid though.

I love everyone i keep close to me. And people who break away or betray or hurt me still have some of my love. Because we were friends for a while but shit happens. Unfortunately. I try not to be vindictive. And i've succeeded this far.

It's weird though.

How can someone be too nice. too trusting. too openhearted?

Igk. My friend says i get hurt so much because i trust people too much.

But.

My theory is that I only get what i give away. It's mostly worked so far.

It's funny how I'm evaluating my life right now. I feel like it's time for introspection and reflection.



SO CHEAP AND JUICY! :-D